Healing

I was raised to love everyone even when I did not want to.  There were no truly evil people among our family, friends, and acquaintances, so my parents were firm on hugging, looking at, talking with, and loving everyone.  There were people I knew intuitively to stay away from as they were not kind or frightened me in ways I didn’t understand.  As a result of this environment, I grew up with a limited knowledge of my own definition of love and the boundaries appropriate around it.  Spirit guided me and protected me during my childhood and young adult years when I was unable to do so myself.

 

Over the years my definition of love has evolved to one of loving everyone as Divine Beings on their spiritual journey, each with their own Light, no matter how dim or bright.  This has served me well in the whole of humanity.  However, in thinking about another relationship, love needed a better definition before I could begin to decide whether I wanted another man in my life.  Spirit magnified my attention to the following book.

 

The Emotionally Unavailable Man, A Blueprint for Healing, by Patti Henry, M.Ed., L.P.C.,  a psychotherapist in private practice, is an excellent book for both men and women.  One side is about man, then flip it over to the other side to read about woman as his partner.  This book would have been so helpful when I was married as it provides precise, clear steps with examples on actions.  In my opinion, this book is helpful for any relationship whether it is a married partner, family, friend, or acquaintance.  I found the following definitions of love, quoted from Ms. Henry’s book, to be the most real in life.

 

Love is a concept that exists on many levels.  It seems the older and wiser a person gets, the more levels they can see. There is the surface, lustful “feeling” level of love which, of course, is wonderful.  There is the love that we feel for our children.  This is probably as close to unconditional love we, as humans, can express and experience.  It’s a love so deep that we become willing to sacrifice even our very lives to save them.  What mother watching her 10-year-old child dying of cancer wouldn’t take on the disease herself if it would heal her child?  Then there is a love that lets us love the unlovable.  It’s the love that lets us respond kindly even to strangers whose behaviors are rude and “undeserving.”  To say a kind word, “You must be having a hard day.  I hope it gets better.”  To extend a hand, “Can I help somehow?”  it’s the love that lets us offer a smile or a hug; even to a porcupine.

 

            There’s a love that allows us to forgive, to let go of, to go forward.  It takes this love to be able to say, ‘I know what you did was really hurtful to me, but I’ve done hurtful things in my lifetime, too.  I understand, and I’m choosing to put that behind us and to forgive you.”  There’s a love that lets us overlook others’ imperfections.  There’s a love that helps us be proactive: to plan surprises, to anticipate need, to take action when someone is hurting.   There’s self-love: where we are kind to ourselves, say nice things to ourselves, and have good boundaries.  There’s even a love that can pull us out of despair, pick up the pieces, and help us start over again.  This love can be found in a child’s innocence, in nature, in God.  And then, last, but not least, there is what I call conscious choice love.

 

            Conscious choice love is an active, conscious decision to care for someone.  To look out for them, to encourage and preserve what is important to them, to help them, to heal them.  Here love is an action verb.  It’s not so much a “feeling” as a “doing.”  Doing things on purpose to care for another person.  In the context of this book that other person would be your partner.  It’s a decision to think about that other person on purpose and to actively DO something that would care for him.  If you’ve been disconnected from love for a while because your partner hasn’t been meeting your needs, the most important step in reconnection is a DECISION to love again.  Without this conscious choice on your part, it is unlikely your system can heal. 

 

            Now, I’m clear down in Texas and I can already hear you screaming, “What about HIM?  Why do I have to be the one to consciously choose love?  The answer is three fold.  First, because if you don’t your relationship will, most likely, not change.  Second, because love is healing whether you give or receive it, and you need healing.  And third, your partner has to consciously choose it, too.  The goal is win/win where he wins and you win.

 

In a paragraph down, she describes Conditional Love in marriage.  This is the best description I have ever read and I believe it applies not only to marriage, but to family, friends, and a potential companion/partner.

 

I am, however, not talking about loving unconditionally.  I believe love in a marriage needs to be conditional.  To love your partner unconditionally is to have no boundaries.  To love unconditionally means I will love you no matter what you do or say.  That’s because marriage is a RECIPROCAL relationship.  With our children, it is our job to meet their emotional needs.  It is not their job to meet ours.  With our partner, it is our job to meet his needs AND his job to meet ours.  Therefore, the condition of love in marriage is that it will be reciprocal.  The “condition” that has to exist in order for love to flourish is one of mutually, reciprocity.  I am not saying love your husband even if your needs never get met.  Yuck.  Who would want that kind of marriage?  I am saying love your husband and have the expectation of love being returned to you.  I am also saying do not expect your husband to love you unconditionally.  He needs reciprocity and mutuality, too.

 

            So really, I am asking you to: first, consciously decide to actively love your partner.  That is, check back into your relationship.  And second, set forth two conditions that must be met by him:

 

                                                #1 reciprocity and #2 safety.

 

I am also asking you to provide those two conditions TO your husband.  You must love in order to be loved.

 

Postscript:  If you feel you love your husband unconditionally and that you really will continue to love him no matter what he says or does, then your conditions need to be about staying with him.  Sometimes a woman must leave a relationship even when her heart is still filled with love for her partner.  I see this in battering relationships.  I hear from my clients who have a black eye or three broken ribs, “I can’t leave him.  I still love him.”  Fine.  Still love him.  But come to know that you will only STAY with him if the conditions of reciprocity and safety are met.  This requires listening to your brain as well as your heart.  Sometimes it means letting your brain overrule your heart.  You deserve reciprocity and safety in your primary relationship.  Make those the conditions that must be met in order for you to stay.  If these conditions are not met, let your brain take over, pack your things, and move on.  This, I promise you, you will not regret long term.  Short term, yes; every minute.  Long term, never.

 

In an earlier chapter, she writes the following about marriage which is truth to me, and again I include other relationships.

 

            I believe marriage is about healing: that the whole purpose of marriage is to heal each other into wholeness.  Therefore, it’s your job to heal your husband.  And it’s his job to heal you.  Of course there are exceptions to this rule….but, besides the exceptions, healing ought to be both of yours goal.

 

As I look back on our 45-year marriage, I can see the stages, the small and large struggles, and the beauty of our spiritual healing journey.  When I first married my husband and at times off and on, I loved him lustfully and unconditionally, and he me.  Then as issues came up, our love changed to conditional love.  There were times when I was overwhelmed with my lack of knowledge and my inability to cope with the issues.  There were times we ran, were in denial and unwilling or afraid to face what change might mean.  I did not have the tools to set and hold firm boundaries, but, with Spirit’s help I learned issue by issue.  He did not have the tools either, but we worked our way through each issue with the tools we had.  We were held in Grace by Spirit at times when we were unwilling or unable to hold each other.

 

When he became unable to function well, I made the conscious decision to love him at home until he left his body rather than put him in an institution.  I used his eight-year process of leaving his body as a spiritual journey, each day consciously choosing to love him and whatever situation presented itself.  I healed within our marriage to a point that I experienced the incredibly joyful wholeness at the time of my husband’s passing of honoring that I knew I had completed my part of our journey loving him all the way.  During my last near-death experience, Spirit revealed a greater view of that wholeness to me, in that all those who witnessed my love for him were changed by it and it continues to ripple out.

 

After finding this definition of love and reading this book, it is clear to me now that I want to have more tools firmly embedded for all my relationships.  I don’t know about another relationship.  Spirit is guiding me on a deeper exploration of tools for myself and my desire to stay open and keep learning.  Everything else will unfold in Divine Order.

 

Reggie knows he is loved with all my heart.  He also knows that his behavior has to conform to the boundaries that are there for him.  This conditional love keeps him safe, in control of himself, and happy.  Spirit helping us find definitions of love and boundaries around love gives us lives that are happy, rich, and fulfilling as we continue to learn and listen.  Nancy and Reggie♥

Sunday, the interim minister presented a different service with the congregation speaking out at times during the message.  This was a significant change from the normal way in which a service is conducted.  Some of the congregation found it refreshing, some disliked it intensely, and others were in the middle.  I found it refreshing as it livened up the energy, kept me one my toes, and sparked my interest in what was going to be said next.  I like change even when I don’t like change as afterward it always moves me forward spiritually.

I like to know the precise meaning of words, so I looked up “change” in the dictionary. I was shocked to find that there are 32 meanings for change. I chose the following meanings:

• To transform, example: The witch changed the prince into a toad.
• To become different, example: The nation’s mood has changed.
• To become altered or modified, example: Colors change when exposed to the sun.
• To become transformed, example: The toad changed back into a prince.
• To change one’s mind, example: To modify or reverse one’s opinions or intentions.

I think we each have a sacred opportunity to change everything; to transform our enemy into a friend, to become different by changing our thoughts, words, and actions from hate to love, and to expand, modify, or reverse our opinions or intentions, to change our nations mood one person at a time, to open ourselves to Spirit’s guidance even when we don’t like it.

There is a layer of anger consciousness surrounding the Earth and all thereon. Each of us carries a degree of anger about big and small things. We may or may not speak it, but it is there in our secret compartment waiting to burst out with the energy of our attitudes, body language, words, actions, and judgments.

Our nation’s mood has changed and people have edged into varying degrees of fear with underlying anger at whatever caused the fear – be it medical, financial, political, religious, government, employment, terrorists, immigration, families, friends, etc.

I used to want to know why things happened; I needed specific, detailed answers and wanted outcomes.  And then I was still mad; anger became a habit.  Well you know how that went.  I changed by learning to trust that everything is in Divine Order and that there is Divine Justice.  I don’t have to know how it will be done, but I know that it is Truth as I have witnessed it and experienced it again and again.  All I have to do is my part.

When I sat down to look at my own anger and how that contributed to the whole, I knew the change needed to be done from the inside out.  I believe that is true for each of us and all on Earth.  I started bringing Light and Love into everything I didn’t like and I prayed for Spirit to assist me to expand my understanding, my knowing, my compassion, my view.

I prayed for Spirit to assist those on Earth to clear this anger layer.  Many methods are available, some do it by individual prayer, some by energy work, some by shamanic rituals, some by ceremonies, some by prayer groups, and so forth.  Some give up.  My commitment to myself and Spirit is that I will not quit.

Light has been my form of healing and expansion for myself, my clients, and All That Is.  Part of that “knowing” came with me, part came from my religious background, and part came from Spirit.

The Bible in The First Book of Moses, called Genesis, chapter 1, verses 1 through 4, says:

“God created the heavens and the earth in the very beginning. And the earth was without form, and void; and darkness was upon the face of the deep. And the Spirit of God moved                  upon the face of the water. And God said, Let there be light and there was light. And God saw that the light was good; and God separated the light from the darkness.”

I decided that if Light is good enough for the Spirit of God, then it was good enough for me.

I read a book titled Dancing With Water by M.J. Pangman, MS and Melanie Evans. In it the authors quote Dr. Fritz Albert Popp, the modern German scientist well-known for his work with biophotonic energy. He states:

“We know today that man is essentially a being of light. We now know for example that light can initiate, or arrest cascade-like reactions in the cells, and that genetic cellular                            damage can be virtually repaired within hours, by faint beams of light. We are still on the threshold of fully understanding the complex relationship between light and life, but we                    can now say emphatically, that the function of our entire metabolism is dependent on light.”

If Light is good enough for science it is good enough for me. There are many other references I could cite supporting Light use, such as laser technology.

I wanted a quick, simple technique to use to change myself whenever I feel anger, fear, or other negative emotions or thoughts come into my mind. I wanted to share this with others to use.  I use pure Divine Light for myself and for my spiritual practice.

I use pure Divine Light every day, morning and night, and sometimes during the day if a need comes to me.  I send pure Divine Sparking Light to my heart and all aspects of my Beingness to clear any fear, anger, negative thoughts, etc., known and unknown to me.  I then send it out to all.  The sparking breaks up the dark or stuck energy, much like the sparks from a sparkler at night.

My clear and specific intention is to do my part to change the layer of anger consciousness within myself, my home, my work, my family and friends, my neighborhood, my church, city, state, nation, the world and All That Is. It is part of my spiritual journey to become different, to transform, to alter, and to modify that layer of anger consciousness into a layer of peace consciousness through the use of Light and prayer.

I invite you to join me now to visualize pure Divine Sparking Light dissipating anything that is not of the Light, enfolding your heart, your home, your neighborhood, your family and friends, your work, church, city, state, the nation, the Earth and All That Is in Divine Peace.

Every time you feel anger or fear within yourself, or feel it from any source (road rage, grocery lines, church services, world events, natural disasters, TV, and so forth), I invite you to enfold all in pure Divine Sparking Light immediately. It just takes a second to send it.  Send it right now to something you feel passionate about changing and see what happens within you and with it.

If we are willing, Spirit keeps us open to change, open to our Lights becoming brighter and purer, radiating out all that is the most Sacred, the Highest, and the Best within each of us and All That Is.  How very blessed we are to be the change.

Reggie keeps his Light bright and he is open to change.  If he gets frustrated with me being on the computer too long, he brings his little body over to me and puts his feet on my leg, shining his brilliant Light and Love on me.  I stop, love on him, and feel the radiance of his love for me.  We are both at peace then.  Nancy and Reggie♥

Some years back, I was guided to use Light in my spiritual work.  Pure Divine Light with the colors being given to me as I worked with people, places, or situations.  After my second near death experience, I agreed to be a Conduit for Light from The Other Side.  So, Spirit has been bringing Light through me with success.

 

I wanted information of a more formal nature for humans regarding use of Light even though I knew of Lasers in the medical field and use of Light in other fields.  In reading Dancing with Water by MJ Pangman, MS and Melanie Evans a couple of years ago, I found the scientific validation for using Light, and I quote:

 

“According to the modern German scientist Dr. Fritz Albert Popp, well known for his work with biophotonic energy:  ‘We know today that man is essentially a being of light.  We now know for example, that light can initiate, or arrest cascade-like reactions in the cells, and that genetic cellular damage can be virtually repaired, within hours, by faint beams of light.  We are still on the threshold of fully understanding the complex relationship between light and life, but we can now say emphatically, that the function of our entire metabolism is dependent on light’.”

 

When I see and hear something on TV that I do not like, I immediately send Light to the person, the program, to all those who created it, to the station owners, and to all of the millions of viewers.  I send it through the TV lines of communication.  I use Light, but Spirit knows that I mean Pure Divine Light of whatever color(s) are appropriate for any and all who receive the Light.  My intent is to bring harmony, cooperation, understanding, peace, a greater level of love or whatever Spirit knows is best to all involved.

 

It is important to me that I bring harm to none.

 

When I am traveling in the car and see skid marks on the road, or in intersections, or see an accident.  I send Light as my intent is break up whatever inappropriate energy is in those places so it does not draw more of the same.  If I see a dead animal along the roadway, I send the animal and its family Light to help it on its journey back to Source and to ease the loss of their family member.

 

When I hear people arguing or silently withholding or any other non-harmonious words, emotions, or actions, I send Light.  When I know of a death or deaths for whatever reason, I send Light to the one(s) leaving and to the ones remaining here on this plane.  When there are mass horrific events, I send Light to all those involved directly and indirectly, and to all in the World as this energy reverberates around the Earth.  By all, I mean human, plant, animal, mineral, air, energy, vibration, frequency, and so forth.

 

In bringing in the Light, I use mirrors.  If I want to set up extra protection for when I am in unknown groups or crowds, I surround myself with mirrors with the Light facing outward so that whatever is going by me is mirrored back to the person(s) or group with Spirit’s Light and Love.   When I want to look at myself to see if I am missing something, I surround myself with the mirrors facing inward and ask Spirit shine Light on whatever is mine that I need to change.

 

Bringing in the Light occurs all the time for me as I will think of someone I want to help, or who I love, or a country I know is having difficulty, or world leaders needing support, or the wee ones in the earth, or a newly discovered universe, star, or planet.  I will be filled with an immensity of Love that I want to send to them with this Pure Divine Light.

 

Bringing in the Light is the medicine of the future, it seems to me, available now for those who are willing to open to it.

 

When my little Reggie isn’t feeling well, I immediately bring in Light to all of his bodies and work specifically with whatever region I know needs assistance.  He comes to me when something is wrong as he knows I will bring in the Light to him immediately.  It doesn’t take long and he is back to running and barking and playing.  We are both so grateful for the Spirit’s Pure Divine Light.  Nancy and Reggie♥